i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
