Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
