Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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