mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
