i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
