Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
