dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
