so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
