Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
