ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
