where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
