hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
