he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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