Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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