I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
