I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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