remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
