Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Randomize
