I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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