So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
This house was built for laser tag.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
