My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
