That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
