My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Floor bacon is actually really good
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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