dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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