Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
