doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
