I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Randomize
