You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I deserve this hangover.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
