This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I should be sponsored by Trojan
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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