just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Everyone says I win the strip club
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
