Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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