That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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