You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
