Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
