Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
