Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
