btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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