So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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