Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
