we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
