If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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