toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
