i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
