I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Every concussion has its silver lining
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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