I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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