I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
