with your own penis?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
