so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
