I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
