I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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