dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You smell like stripper and shame
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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