What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
